I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
