after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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