I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
