OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Life is so much better after having sex.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
