I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
a search helicopter?!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
