yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
