apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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