I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
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I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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