No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
