Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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