remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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