Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
