The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
