Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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