Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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