i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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