The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
