She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
We are all done wearing pants today
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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