I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
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