I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
