I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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