i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
