Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
