Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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