I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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