I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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