She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
