OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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