There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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