why didn't you poke me back
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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