i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
