It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just forgot I was standing up.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
