So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
