in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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