By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
a search helicopter?!
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
