I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
