hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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