saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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