According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
