If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
