i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
