I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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