Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
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He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
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laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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