Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize