so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
