mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She told me I should be a condom model.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
