Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
