No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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