my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
