you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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