I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
