I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
