i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
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first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
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I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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