I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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