did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I lost the right to judge tonight
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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