DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
