Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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