i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
