I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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