I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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