Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
