In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
