I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
