he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
