get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize