theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
