I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
false alarm, still single
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
