His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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