I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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