Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
