It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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