my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
