ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dicks are not precious.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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